Brave

Since I started working on my book a lot of people have called me a lot of things: badass, foolish, ridiculous, strong, determined and much more.

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I decided early on to be completely honest with all of my followers during this process. I’m doing this with no budget at all. Not even a dollar. There is no money for an editor, no money for a cover designer and no money for advertising. Everything, every single detail of all of this, is being done by me and a few very loving friends who are beta reading everything I write. Which is funny because my Instagram is full of people advertising editors, cover designers etc and I cannot afford any of it. A few days ago someone emailed me from my Instagram advertising their services and I couldn’t do anything but laugh. I live on 783 dollars a month before bills, after bills I have about 200 dollars left over. I cannot afford your “cheap” $300 editing or cover design services. That’s not “cheap,” that’s privilege. Do I think people shouldn’t be paid for their work? No, I think everyone should have access to enough income to live a decent life and people shouldn’t be punished for trying to rise up from poverty.  Do I think I should get these services for free? No. I think someone shouldn’t advertise things as cheap when they’re not and people shouldn’t dismiss someone’s hard work just because they can’t fit into some kind of mold of what is acceptable. Unfortunately in our society that’s not what happens. But calling something “cheap” when it’s half of what a lot of people have to live on in an entire month isn’t cheap and you’re privileged if you can drop that much money easily.

I’ve been lucky enough to have a friend who is going to help me with photography and another artist friend who’s helping me design my covers.

I’m doing this without money because you shouldn’t have to have a ton of money to make money. Sure, I could crowdfund and probably raise enough to hire an editor, but then I’d risk losing my disability and even several professionally edited and published books I’ve read are full of typos and grammatical errors. Why would I want to pay someone to leave my book still flawed? Is losing my income worth having an editor’s name listed in my book? No, it’s not. I would rather save that money and put out a book I know I worked on to the best of MY ability. If it’s not perfect who cares, most books aren’t perfect anyway. At the end of the day it’s my name that’s on the cover and I want to be proud of the material I put out.

This is a situation where I had to decide if I wanted to write more than I feared the judgement of everyone who will undoubtedly tell me all the different ways I’m doing this wrong and point out every thing that’s wrong with anything I do. Honestly I’ve had way worse than that in my life, so bring it on.

I shouldn’t be held back from my dreams and goals just because I am disabled and poor. I know though this process I will have to work ten times harder than an abled person going for the same thing I am. Just the writing process is going to take me longer because having Chiari I get brain fatigued really quickly and have to take breaks. Yesterday I wrote 2,000 words over about a twelve hour period. That’s me on a good day, on a bad day I can’t write at all.

The NA paranormal author scene is competitive, but I’m ready and I will not release Aria Book One: The Beginning, until I feel it is ready to be loved by those who will support me regardless of my path, disabilities or bank account.

I am so excited to share my book with all of you this year. I’m over halfway done writing it and have already mapped out the plot lines of books 2 & 3. As well as gotten a main idea for book 4, although I don’t have the plot mapped yet. As you can see, this is going to be a long series of books, more on that at a later date.

The one thing a lot of my friends have called me throughout this process is brave, because regardless of everything holding me back I will not stop until I claw my way from the bottom to the top, and that my friends is the best compliment anyone could give me.

Alicen

Published by Alicen

Author, Advocate and much more.

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